ACen is coming up really quick and I still haven't started anything yet. I mean, i've been planning exactly what I want to do but I just haven't put any of the drawings and products to production yet and i'm getting a little nervous. I have an exam tomorrow but I think i'll be able to start working on everything once it's over. I plan on getting busy this weekend because I REALLY need to focus on this stuff now more than ever.
There is a high chance that i'll be attending Anime North in Toronto, as well. The dates for that is May 28-30 and I have family there that I would like to visit because it'll be a year by that time since i've seen them. That, and I absolutely love Toronto; I feel like paradise walking there. Shops, boutiques and bars on EVERY BLOCK downtown. Seriously.. It's heaven over there. <3
Life itself has been pretty okay. Doing well in school for the most part and i've relaunched Aegis (which you can see at http://www.aegis-comic.com)! There's been one thing that i've been thinking about almost every day but I don't think i'm gonna spill the beans on that until it actually happens about 6 months from now. It's gonna be a long 6 months haha.
I've had more dreams! I'll try to find some time to write about them soon.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Ka-chak-- BOOM.
So I had by far one of the scariest dreams that i've ever had in my life. I made sure to write it all down as soon as I woke up and stopped freaking out, so now i'm gonna throw in the rest of detail that I can possibly remember..
There was a lot of snow; I remember the crunching of my boots against the fresh power and pissed that it went ankle deep and making me feel chilly. I ended up going to my car and turning it on to warm it up because I knew my music class got canceled and there was no point staying at the civic center.. I was waiting at the main lobby of the center for my saxophone lessons. My teacher ended up calling and said that we had to reschedule to a later time that day because he couldn't make it because of the snow. Before I walked out, I spent a decent amount of time looking at the large ceilinged domes that surrounded this main lobby, feeling like I was in a porcelain castle than anything. There were a lot of complicated hallways that were glass paned so you could look to the bottom or over the sides. I also remember being a really long and restricted line near the ground floor where a lot of people wearing yellow were standing in line for. Why? I don't know.
I got bored of looking so I went to my car to leave so I could come back to the later scheduled time my professor asked. When I went to put some things in the back seat of the car, someone approached me and pushed me to the back seat. Turned out the guy was just some idiot playing a prank on me (apparently I knew him but I had no idea who the hell he was). Once I got a second to look around me, I saw a guy approaching the car to my right, I looked at him dead at the eyes and gave him a pretty hard stare. He opens the front car door, pulls out a pistol and shoots me in the head.
He left right after the shot, and I was miraculously still conscious. I was able to climb to to the front seat and used my car to drive to what I thought was the hospital (which was instead another part of that giant ass civic center). I broke through stop signs and parking brackets doing 80 to get to this building.
I stumbled in covered in blood and someone called for an ambulance. I was waiting in this huge, noisy lobby. There were once again really tall and dome like ceilings. The interior of these domes were painted of different golds, whites, etc. Which made the whole room sparkle against the glass windows.
And that's when the second gunman caught my eye as he walked in wearing a face mask and telling everyone to get the fuck down, putting everyone in a panic. I noticed that the first time I was shot, I was looking right into the 1st gunner's eyes, so I raised my hoodie over my head and kept my head down this time.
I feel like he knew what I was thinking, what I was trying to do. He shot me in the back of the head along with a few others.
Once again, still MIRACULOUSLY conscious WTF, but this time I could feel that my life was slowly draining from me. Everything around me was becoming really blurry, so I had to scream and crash into the people around me, asking when the fucking ambulance was going to get here. I then went up to an official looking person and collapsed in their arms.
Next thing I remember, I was crawling (yeah, no stretcher, just crawling) into an ambulance. It just looked a narrow room with a bunch of plastic curtains and tarp everywhere, but it reminded me of safety, something like a cocoon. As soon as I laid down and took my clothes off for inspection, 3 children came into the ambulance as well. They didn't seem to have any visible injuries, but they were asked to take their clothes off for inspection too. AWKWARD, RIGHT?! I felt weird being the only older one so I tried covering myself the best I could but the kids reassured me saying that there was nothing wrong me. They said that they weren't scared because they knew I was just like them.
Woke up for real, not recognizing where I was, and everything around me was still really blurry for a while. I was flipping shit until I figured out WTF was going on.
I think that the events that happened to me getting shot triggered my fight or flight response I had when I was younger and in my crappy family situation. When I was shot, I had the exact same scared feeling I used to have so long ago when my parents would fight. Butterflies in the stomach, terrifying feeling, etc.
Any dream interpreters wanna take a shot at this?
There was a lot of snow; I remember the crunching of my boots against the fresh power and pissed that it went ankle deep and making me feel chilly. I ended up going to my car and turning it on to warm it up because I knew my music class got canceled and there was no point staying at the civic center.. I was waiting at the main lobby of the center for my saxophone lessons. My teacher ended up calling and said that we had to reschedule to a later time that day because he couldn't make it because of the snow. Before I walked out, I spent a decent amount of time looking at the large ceilinged domes that surrounded this main lobby, feeling like I was in a porcelain castle than anything. There were a lot of complicated hallways that were glass paned so you could look to the bottom or over the sides. I also remember being a really long and restricted line near the ground floor where a lot of people wearing yellow were standing in line for. Why? I don't know.
I got bored of looking so I went to my car to leave so I could come back to the later scheduled time my professor asked. When I went to put some things in the back seat of the car, someone approached me and pushed me to the back seat. Turned out the guy was just some idiot playing a prank on me (apparently I knew him but I had no idea who the hell he was). Once I got a second to look around me, I saw a guy approaching the car to my right, I looked at him dead at the eyes and gave him a pretty hard stare. He opens the front car door, pulls out a pistol and shoots me in the head.
He left right after the shot, and I was miraculously still conscious. I was able to climb to to the front seat and used my car to drive to what I thought was the hospital (which was instead another part of that giant ass civic center). I broke through stop signs and parking brackets doing 80 to get to this building.
I stumbled in covered in blood and someone called for an ambulance. I was waiting in this huge, noisy lobby. There were once again really tall and dome like ceilings. The interior of these domes were painted of different golds, whites, etc. Which made the whole room sparkle against the glass windows.
And that's when the second gunman caught my eye as he walked in wearing a face mask and telling everyone to get the fuck down, putting everyone in a panic. I noticed that the first time I was shot, I was looking right into the 1st gunner's eyes, so I raised my hoodie over my head and kept my head down this time.
I feel like he knew what I was thinking, what I was trying to do. He shot me in the back of the head along with a few others.
Once again, still MIRACULOUSLY conscious WTF, but this time I could feel that my life was slowly draining from me. Everything around me was becoming really blurry, so I had to scream and crash into the people around me, asking when the fucking ambulance was going to get here. I then went up to an official looking person and collapsed in their arms.
Next thing I remember, I was crawling (yeah, no stretcher, just crawling) into an ambulance. It just looked a narrow room with a bunch of plastic curtains and tarp everywhere, but it reminded me of safety, something like a cocoon. As soon as I laid down and took my clothes off for inspection, 3 children came into the ambulance as well. They didn't seem to have any visible injuries, but they were asked to take their clothes off for inspection too. AWKWARD, RIGHT?! I felt weird being the only older one so I tried covering myself the best I could but the kids reassured me saying that there was nothing wrong me. They said that they weren't scared because they knew I was just like them.
Woke up for real, not recognizing where I was, and everything around me was still really blurry for a while. I was flipping shit until I figured out WTF was going on.
I think that the events that happened to me getting shot triggered my fight or flight response I had when I was younger and in my crappy family situation. When I was shot, I had the exact same scared feeling I used to have so long ago when my parents would fight. Butterflies in the stomach, terrifying feeling, etc.
Any dream interpreters wanna take a shot at this?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
O HAI BLOG.
2 months hiatus whoo~!
So i'm on my 4th set of anti-depressants and I finally found something that works. I had some really bad insomnia still because coupling this specific medication and my sleeping pills made me way too drowsy in the morning. Psychiatrist decided to prescribe me RITALIN to keep me awake. At first I was really skeptical about the idea but they're only at 10 milligram increments and they do keep me very energized. I haven't felt this awake in months! It feels great and i'm being productive again and getting a whole bunch of shit done!
Got some super sweet Aegis updates for you guys: We're re-launching! I'm finishing all of the concept designs and taking my time to go through every detail and to not half-ass anything. I'm really liking the ideas that i've put down on paper so far and I think I should have some pages ready to go in a few short weeks! I have some concept sketches up at our gallery, so check out the website at http://www.aegis-comic.com
I got accepted for AA tables at both Anime Central in Chicago (May 13-15) as well as Otakon in Baltimore (July 30 - August 1). I may be traveling a bit with my friend Ryan because she's going to about 10 different cons this summer. I'll have to see what my schedule is going to be like for the summer though.
Working hard to get some new art up and some sticker sets for these cons. Gotta go back to my old powerhouse ways again!
So i'm on my 4th set of anti-depressants and I finally found something that works. I had some really bad insomnia still because coupling this specific medication and my sleeping pills made me way too drowsy in the morning. Psychiatrist decided to prescribe me RITALIN to keep me awake. At first I was really skeptical about the idea but they're only at 10 milligram increments and they do keep me very energized. I haven't felt this awake in months! It feels great and i'm being productive again and getting a whole bunch of shit done!
Got some super sweet Aegis updates for you guys: We're re-launching! I'm finishing all of the concept designs and taking my time to go through every detail and to not half-ass anything. I'm really liking the ideas that i've put down on paper so far and I think I should have some pages ready to go in a few short weeks! I have some concept sketches up at our gallery, so check out the website at http://www.aegis-comic.com
I got accepted for AA tables at both Anime Central in Chicago (May 13-15) as well as Otakon in Baltimore (July 30 - August 1). I may be traveling a bit with my friend Ryan because she's going to about 10 different cons this summer. I'll have to see what my schedule is going to be like for the summer though.
Working hard to get some new art up and some sticker sets for these cons. Gotta go back to my old powerhouse ways again!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
I Wish I Knew What a Family Was.
I'm so sick of the lies and the bullshit, of the promises made and broken again and again, of the exploitations and the backstabbing, of the substance and the lives that it has torn apart, of the guilty pleasures and the greed, of the screaming and the sorrow.
I'm trying so hard to tear myself away from my family. Change phone numbers, moving out, but I still don't feel like this is enough.
I'm making a change, but the change isn't happening fast enough.
I'm trying so hard to tear myself away from my family. Change phone numbers, moving out, but I still don't feel like this is enough.
I'm making a change, but the change isn't happening fast enough.
Monday, November 30, 2009
I Can't Pretend I'm Wide Awake.
I'm on my third different anti-depression medication since September.
The first one worked, but gave me some severe migraines that I just couldn't handle.
The second one put me into a near suicide attempt, so it pretty much did the opposite of what it was supposed to do.
I'm on this new batch that so far has been working pretty well. There are still days where I feel down, but it's definitely not as bad as what it used to be. I've been talking to a lot of people about my problems which was something that has always been very difficult for me to do. I've been building up my support system little by little and getting more and more comfortable with talking with others, but my relationship with my boyfriend has been pretty rocky because I just don't feel like i'm getting what I need from him emotionally. I'm not gonna go into it all that much because I want to keep that situation between him and I private, but there are just times where I wonder when he's just going to come up to me, hold me and tell me that i'm doing the best that I can. I know that sounds horribly cliche, and although everyone is giving me the support that I need, I think I need it from him the most.
Because of the medication, i've been able to have dreams again. My last vivid dream that I had was about 4 or 5 years ago. I think i'm slowly going back to what I used to be. By that, I mean that I used to have so many dreams, I used to have so many vivid connections between things in the world in my head and then in the world that I lived in. I was able to be in sync with myself on a spiritual level, which helped my ideas and my artwork soar. This is a concept that is really hard for me to explain, but i'm hoping that my personal journal that i've been keeping is going to help answer a lot of questions and to help me gain my mental stability back. I'm going to be journaling my dreams and try to interpret them the best I can.
Two more weeks of class and then I have winter break. I'm excited to start a bunch of new projects once finals are over!
The first one worked, but gave me some severe migraines that I just couldn't handle.
The second one put me into a near suicide attempt, so it pretty much did the opposite of what it was supposed to do.
I'm on this new batch that so far has been working pretty well. There are still days where I feel down, but it's definitely not as bad as what it used to be. I've been talking to a lot of people about my problems which was something that has always been very difficult for me to do. I've been building up my support system little by little and getting more and more comfortable with talking with others, but my relationship with my boyfriend has been pretty rocky because I just don't feel like i'm getting what I need from him emotionally. I'm not gonna go into it all that much because I want to keep that situation between him and I private, but there are just times where I wonder when he's just going to come up to me, hold me and tell me that i'm doing the best that I can. I know that sounds horribly cliche, and although everyone is giving me the support that I need, I think I need it from him the most.
Because of the medication, i've been able to have dreams again. My last vivid dream that I had was about 4 or 5 years ago. I think i'm slowly going back to what I used to be. By that, I mean that I used to have so many dreams, I used to have so many vivid connections between things in the world in my head and then in the world that I lived in. I was able to be in sync with myself on a spiritual level, which helped my ideas and my artwork soar. This is a concept that is really hard for me to explain, but i'm hoping that my personal journal that i've been keeping is going to help answer a lot of questions and to help me gain my mental stability back. I'm going to be journaling my dreams and try to interpret them the best I can.
Two more weeks of class and then I have winter break. I'm excited to start a bunch of new projects once finals are over!
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