I Can't Pretend I'm Wide Awake.

I'm on my third different anti-depression medication since September.

The first one worked, but gave me some severe migraines that I just couldn't handle.
The second one put me into a near suicide attempt, so it pretty much did the opposite of what it was supposed to do.

I'm on this new batch that so far has been working pretty well. There are still days where I feel down, but it's definitely not as bad as what it used to be. I've been talking to a lot of people about my problems which was something that has always been very difficult for me to do. I've been building up my support system little by little and getting more and more comfortable with talking with others, but my relationship with my boyfriend has been pretty rocky because I just don't feel like i'm getting what I need from him emotionally. I'm not gonna go into it all that much because I want to keep that situation between him and I private, but there are just times where I wonder when he's just going to come up to me, hold me and tell me that i'm doing the best that I can. I know that sounds horribly cliche, and although everyone is giving me the support that I need, I think I need it from him the most.

Because of the medication, i've been able to have dreams again. My last vivid dream that I had was about 4 or 5 years ago. I think i'm slowly going back to what I used to be. By that, I mean that I used to have so many dreams, I used to have so many vivid connections between things in the world in my head and then in the world that I lived in. I was able to be in sync with myself on a spiritual level, which helped my ideas and my artwork soar. This is a concept that is really hard for me to explain, but i'm hoping that my personal journal that i've been keeping is going to help answer a lot of questions and to help me gain my mental stability back. I'm going to be journaling my dreams and try to interpret them the best I can.

Two more weeks of class and then I have winter break. I'm excited to start a bunch of new projects once finals are over!